A Whole New View - Essential Six To Being the Best Mom for Your Kids
**If you would like to listen to this blog post, scroll to the bottom for the audio version.
One of my favorite things to do is hike. The best hikes, in my book, are the ones in which you get a view at the end.
The last hike I did was in a little town in Minnesota called Red Wing. It was a short, straight up the hill climb to the top of a bluff. The top was beautiful. The view was expansive and invigorating.
The hike itself was nothing special though. A whole bunch of trees with the occasional view of the busy highway. I’m glad it was short because the actual hike was pretty boring. Once I was at the top, I realized I had to make the tedious trip back down. I told myself that at least down is easier and I already know the way.
I think about this when I talk about perspective with my clients. When we start coaching I have them come up with goals. Not because I need my clients to hit them, but because they need a target, a focus.
When I start asking them what they dream about or what they plan for the future, I find that they struggle coming up with anything specific. They will have vague comments like, “I want to be healthy and lose weight” or “I just want to feel better”. Then I ask them to describe what that looks like.
The most common answer is, “I don’t know.”
They don’t know. Why don’t they know? Because they aren’t regularly thinking about their future. They keep looking in the past.
Guess what looking in the past does?
It makes us keep recycling the past.
See, so many of my clients tell me they have tried EVERYTHING. NONE of it has worked. That’s why they look to me. They believe they have no more options.
Kind of a stinky place to be. Its like being just 10 steps away from the top of the hike. The view is miserable, you seem like you are getting nowhere and you question whether you should just go back down the way you came, because at least that way is familiar and seems easier.
If you did that though, you’d never get the change in perspective.
That’s what I do with coaching. I give all my clients a new perspective. A new way of looking at "issues" in their life.
When I got to the top of that hill and saw the view, my perspective of the whole hike changed. That hike didn’t seem so long and monotonous anymore. I saw the beauty of each step because it brought me to something better than I could imagine.
A change in perspective allows you to breathe and imagine the possibilities! It invigorates you and gives you a whole new view of what the world really looks like.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
It seems to me that when we are young, it is easy to have a change in perspective. When we are in grade school we are looking forward to new friendships and activities. In high school we look forward to driving and managing more freedom. In college we look forward to new careers and new relationships. Right after college we look forward to career advancement and starting families.
And then we lose our excitement. We stop looking forward. Most of our time is spent looking backwards. We stop seeing fresh possibilities. Our focus is set on the mundane of everyday life.
We get stuck in a rut. When you’re stuck, it doesn’t feel good. When we don’t feel good… well, like I’ve said over and over, we don’t act “good”.
Also, when we are stuck in a rut, it’s really hard to see the other side. Believe me, there is ALWAYS another way to look at things.
So, let me bring this back around. If you are above the age of 28, have kids and feel like you are living groundhog’s day, my guess is that you don’t feel very loving towards your family. It’s hard to find the joy when you feel a little trapped with no fresh possibilities in the near future. I’m guessing you’re short, snappy and kind of a grump a lot of days because your focus is on mind numbing, ordinary tasks.
How did I guess this? Well, I was right there with you three years ago. And nothing improved until I changed my perspective.
Here is what I did:
- I made an uncomfortable but attainable goal. I knew I had to get healthy, so I made a goal to complete a Beachbody Challenge.
- I found a group that was focused on the future. Through the challenge I met some women that were working hard to meet their goals. They kept me looking forward and not backwards at my mistakes.
- I took small steps and made small goals along the way. I was in bad shape at that point. It was my motto, “One step at a time.” Every time I hit a small goal I would celebrate in some way. I kept it simple and super attainable.
- Once I hit my goal I made a new goal. I never stopped looking forward. Looking forward was way better than looking backwards. I didn’t want more of what I had before. I wanted something new.
Here is what I didn’t do. I didn’t run away, I didn’t hide, I didn’t stay in the wallowing, I didn’t try to transform my whole life in a couple of weeks, and I didn’t let my family be the excuse for me not to change… I made my family the reason to change.
Completing that Beachbody Challenge is just one of the times in my life my perspective changed. I wanted to share this example, because it seemed so minor at the time, but it totally changed me. It was the catalyst to me becoming healthy which lead to wanting to help others lead healthier lives which lead to coaching which lead to a total life transformation for me and my family.
It all started with a change in perspective. It started with me looking forward and not backwards. It started with me finding, being something different. I found out how to love myself no matter what. I started being exactly who God created me to be.
"Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established." Proverbs 16:3
I urge you to start looking forward. Don’t get stuck in the past. Don’t beat yourself up about things that haven’t worked. Find a new way to look at your current situation. Keep trying. Keep advancing.
Here is the best part of it all. Your kids are watching. And if they see you fail, they will also see you get back up. They will see you change your perspective and keep looking forward. Your ability to change your perspective will be an example for them to hold onto the rest of their life.
That is a pretty amazing gift to them!
Are you ready for a perspective change? Great! Let me help you out! Sign up for a FREE 45-minute coaching session here.
