How to Strengthen Self-Control and Accountability
When I ask women on coaching calls to tell me what they think they need to be successful at losing weight, the number two answer I receive is accountability.
- “I just need to know someone is watching and then I follow through.”
- “When someone tells me what to do and follows my progress, I’ll do it.”
- “I have to have a person call me out on my excuses, even when I know they are excuses.”
I get it. It does seem so much easier when you know people are watching.
And I think external accountability is awesome! It’s part of my job as a coach.
The problem with solely relying on outside accountability is that you don’t ALWAYS have someone to watch what you’re doing and point out the obstacles you are putting in your own way.
Have you ever said something like, “I did so well when… (I had a friend texting me daily, in group fitness call, part of a challenge group, etc.)”
Then you know what I’m talking about.
That close relationship ended at some point.
What were you left with then?
YOU.
You. The you that God gave you to support your body and live a healthy vibrant life.
Does that sound kind of scary or impossible? Maybe looking back, it feels like you’ve never been able to hold yourself accountable?
Let’s start there then.
Have you had thoughts like, I am…
- Forever in this “mess”
- Incapable
- Inherently lazy
- Screwed up... like something is wrong with me.
- Not good at this
Well, those beliefs are the FIRST to tackle if you want to live an abundant life and follow through on the things you KNOW are good to do for yourself.
**This is what I help women with a majority of the time in A Body of Grace Membership, there is something else I want to discuss today…
It’s personal integrity.
Let’s start with a definition of integrity that I’ve meshed together from lots of different sources…
Doing the right thing or better thing (sticking to your morals and values) even when it’s hard and/or no one is looking.
I added the word personal. So it’s the same definition but focused on the actions you take for yourself…
- Even when it’s hard/ uncomfortable…
- Even when no one is looking…
Integrity is self-accountability.
It’s what you need to build so that even when external accountability is gone, you keep following through on what is the right thing or better thing.
“The integrity of upright guides them, but the cookedness of the treacherous destroys them.” - Proverbs 11:3
Integrity guides us. It leads to respect, builds confidence, provides good foundations for relationships, and gives a compass for making decisions.
But this really hit me reading Titus 2:7…
“In your teaching show integrity…”
Paul put Titus in charge of the church of Crete which was struggling because the people there called themselves, “liars, evil brutes, lazy gluttons”. Titus was charged with appointing elders and providing an example of what Christian living and leading looked like. Paul’s letter to Titus is full of qualities to instruct and instill in the church there.
In this short book, self-control (and I added "disciplined" to this count) is used SIX times!
In my self-study Bible, the note about self-control says, “A virtue much needed in Crete”.
And maybe by me too...
Self-control is the inner strength to control one’s desires and actions.
So let me make the connection for all of you.
Self-control is internal. It’s a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). Through self-control we take the actions that build integrity. From this integrity, we have more respect, love, and desire to take more action that is right or better for us.
From that, I hope you noticed where this all starts…
The Holy Spirit.
If you want to follow through on the things you know you should and WANT to be doing for yourself, it starts with the Spirit.
Now, I’m not a theologian so I am not going to dive into the topic of building a stronger relationship with the Spirit (please see your pastor or other trusted experts).
But, I do want to make some other connections for you.
Integrity is doing what is right (our morals) or better (our values).
As Christians, we all have the same morals.
- Love God
- Love others (basically love the humans God created)
You are part of loving others. See last week’s post where I talked about “loving yourself” in the biblical sense, not worldly.
It comes down to this… it’s part of your morals to take care of yourself. You are a human and you need to be kind, caring, and loving towards you. When you’re not, you’re not in integrity.
When you’re not in integrity… well that doesn’t feel good. We feel out of place, guilty, frustrated, or disappointed.
Those feelings are VALID. They are showing you how you CAN live with more integrity.
So taking CARE of YOU is part of your morals. But what about your values? What about that part about doing what is “better”? What does that mean?
Well, that’s part of God designing us all uniquely.
What we value changes from person to person and even changes throughout our life span. Example: I didn’t value family as much as I do now, because I didn’t have children before.
And as one person may value humility another person may value boldness more.
These aren’t necessarily in opposition to each other either. But, they are important to recognize as they will influence what actions or reactions you have.
My point, what’s better for YOU may not be better for someone else.
Knowing and understanding what your VALUES are is important in clarifying your decisions and finding that motivation to do what is “better” even when it’s hard or no one is watching.
Example: I value the freedom of health because it allows me to say yes to serving without the hindrance of physical limitations. It’s not EASY for me to work out or eat well. But, I value this freedom so much that I do the hard things even when no one is watching.
Building that integrity by taking actions based on what is right and what is better for you provides so much freedom, confidence, and joy.
What I pray you to take away from today is this…
Yes, you can search for external accountability. That’s not a bad thing. Actually, I highly encourage you to join A Body of Grace Membership for the support and accountability.
But, if you want lasting change, if you want to get healthy and STAY healthy; if you want to live with more peace and confidence, then start working on growing personal integrity.
If you feel like you don’t know where to start in doing this, I’ve got you. I am giving a bonus series in A Body of Grace Membership on how to build integrity and live with more self-discipline.
Want to know more? No problem! Sign up for a quick call with me and I can get you filled in on the details. Click HERE to sign up.
Blessings!
